Little Johnny

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you

shoot one of them, how many will be left?"  She calls on little Johnny. He

replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher

replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."  Then Little

Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU.  There are three women sitting on a

bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple

scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the

cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice-cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal replied "Well I suppose the one that's

gobbled down the top and sucked the cone"  To which Little Johnny replied, "The

correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on,.....but I like your

thinking.

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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?"

asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is  2x3?' I said '6'"

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

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Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says,''Today we are going to

learn multi-syllable words, class.  Does anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word?'' Little Johnny waves his hand, ''Me, Miss Rogers,

me, me!''

Miss Rogers says, ''All right, little Johnny what is your multi-syllable

word?''

Little Johnny says, ''Mas-tur-bate.''

Miss Rogers smiles and says, ''Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.''

Little Johnny says, ''No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

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Little Johnny is passing by his parents' bedroom in the middle of the

night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he

peeks in and catches his folks in *The Act*.  Before dad can even react,

Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsey ride! Daddy, can I ride on your

back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable

questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on

tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get

bucked off !"

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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little

girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his

friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed

to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in

this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the

word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little

Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits,

you'd be a ten!!!"

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One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show

of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence

twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father

bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little

Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he

said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was

pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ......just fucking beautiful!'