Tuesday, May 26, 2020

A Collection of humorous comments..

 "In my many years I have come to a conclusion, ... that one useless man is a shame,  two [useless men] is a law firm and three or more [useless men] is a government."*
~John Adams 
 *"If you don't read the newspaper you are  uninformed, if you do read the newspaper, you are  misinformed."*
 ~Mark Twain 
 *"I  contend that for  a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying  to lift himself up by the  handle."*
 ~Winston Churchill 
 *"A government which  robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of  Paul."*
 ~George Bernard Shaw  
 *"Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries."*
 ~ Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University 
 *"Giving  money and  power to  government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."*
 ~P.J. O'Rourke,  Civil Libertarian 
 *"Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!"*
 ~Pericles (430  B.C.)  
 *"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session."*
 ~Mark Twain  (1866)                          
 *"The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other."*
 ~ Ronald  Reagan  
 *"The  only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."*
 ~Mark Twain 
 *"What this country needs are more unemployed politicians."*
 ~Edward Langley,  Artist (1928-1995)                          
 *"A  government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have."*
 ~Thomas Jefferson  
 *"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office."*
 *"If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!"*
 ~P.J.  O'Rourke

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

British writer pens the best description of Trump I've read

“Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?” Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England wrote the following response:

A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:
• Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.
• You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a Trump.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clump fulls of hair and scream in anguish: ‘My God… what… have… I… created?' If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set.

Monday, May 04, 2020

When is it OK to Use the "F" Word?

Question:  When is the use of "f***" or "f***ing" acceptable?

Answer:   There are only 11 times throughout history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.
In ASCENDING order, those exclamations were:
11. "What the f*** do you mean, we’re sinking?"
Capt. E. J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912.
10. "What the f*** was that?"
Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
9. " Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?"
George Custer, 1877
8. "Any f***ing idiot could understand that."
Albert Einstein, 1938.
7. "It does so f***ing look like her!"
Picasso, 1926
"How the f*** did you work that out?"
 Student of Pythagoras, 126 BC.
 5. "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?"
 Michelangelo, 1566.
 6. "Where the f*** are we?"
 Amelia Earhart, 1937
 7. "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!"
 Noah, 4314 BC
 2. "Aw, come on Monica. Who the f*** is going to find out?"
 Bill Clinton, 1998
1."There is no f***ing way Trump will ever become President"
 Hillary Clinton, 2016

Monday, April 20, 2020

Church Bulletins!

They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters (now  keyboards). These announcements actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced during church services:  
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus'.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.’

Coronavirus Lockdown - Day 26

To help pass the time in these strange days, I have started to bake. I baked a small loaf at the end of last week, which was eaten very quickly, so today I baked another loaf and tried my hand at Focaccia.

They have both turned out surprisingly well as I hope you can see from the photo below.

Home baked bread and Focaccia.

I followed a recipe from Gennaro Contaldo which is shown on the BBC Food website.

How long my attempts at cooking and baking last, we shall have to see but I certainly aim to carry on with it for a short while and may try my hand at cakes later in the week.

I will finish with  a plea for you to comment on this post. I am sitting here wondering if I am wasting my time doing this or if anyone is actually reading it! Even if its only a thumbs up (or down) it would be immensely appreciated.

Many thanks. 

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Coronavirus Lockdown - Day 24

A week after receiving my letter from the NHS telling me that I was a vulnerable person and should be shielded and get preference for deliveries I am still waiting for the supermarkets to accept that. Fortunately I have many friends willing and happy to shop for me.

Anyway, enough negativity, lets get a few cartoons to hopefully brighten your day!

Finally, if you are actually reading this, do me a favour and leave a comment of some sort so that I know that I am not going mad and am talking to myself. Please is there anyone out there or am I all alone?