Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Quotes to Remember

 If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas ..

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .."

-- Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Friday, January 07, 2022

Quotes from the Past Century


~ Jean Kerr...   

The only reason they say "   Women and children first"   is to test the strength of the lifeboats.  


~ Prince Philip...   
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.  


~ Emo Philips...   
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.  


~ Harrison Ford...   
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.  


~ Spike Milligan...   
The best cure for  sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.


~ Jean Rostand...   
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.


~  Arnold Schwarzenegger...   
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars ,  but I was just as happy when I had 48 million.


~ WH Auden...   
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.  


~ Jonathan Katz...   
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.


~ Johnny Carson...   
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.


~ Warren Tantum... (School photo album).   
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical.


~ Steve Martin...   
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.  


~ Jimmy Durante...   
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.


~ George Roberts...   
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.


~ Jonathan Winters...   
If God had intended us to fly ,  he would have made it easier to get to the airport.


~ Robert Benchley...  
I have kleptomania and when it gets bad, I take something for it.  


~ John Glenn...  
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind   :  every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.  


~ David Letterman...   
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.  


~ Howard Hughes...   
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire.  


~ Old Italian proverb...   
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.