Tuesday, March 31, 2020

The Pregnant Girlfriend

Guy: 'Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the condom never broke. How is it possible?'

'Let me tell you a story. There was once a hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the lion, the hunter used the umbrella like a gun, and shot the lion and killed it!'

Guy: 'Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the lion.'

'Good! You understood the story. Next patient, please.'

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Covid-19 male patient

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?

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Coronavirus Lockdown - Day 8

It was on Monday 23rd March that Boris Johnson announced that all UK residents must stay at home to protect the NHS amid the growing threat of coronavirus. He said that we should only leave our homes for the following reasons:-

- Shopping for basic necessities
- One form of exercise a day - either alone or with members of your household
- Medical need or to provide care help vulnerable person
- Travel to work - but only if necessary and you cannot work from home

Since then I have been out most days for a walk, taking care to keep a "social distance" from other walkers and been to the shops a couple of times for essentials - particularly wine and whisky! I have also managed to obtain one delivery from a local supermarket and a friends daughter has done some shopping for us (although my partner and I feel perfectly well, and "young at heart" we are considered to be vulnerable as we are both over 70).

To help relieve the boredom of being stuck indoors most of the time I have decided to start posting to this blog again both as a record of how things are going, and more importantly to help spread a little happiness by posting some of the many jokes, memes etc which I hope will make you smile and keep you mind off the terrible plight we are all in.

So I will end this post with the following thought - 
Lash salons closed
Hair salons closed
Tanning salons closed
Waxing salons closed..

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Thursday, March 19, 2020

Keep Cheerful!

We need a few things to cheer ourselves up with while we are stuck at home during the corona virus crisis. Here are a few relevant cartoons which I hope will bring a smile to your faces.