Monday, November 07, 2016

Classroom Dialogue

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria!

TEACHER: Why are you late Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says "School Ahead, Go Slow".

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile"?
TEACHER: No, thats wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Winnie, name an important thing we have today, we didnt have ten years ago.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentance starting with "I".
MILLIE: I is ....
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say "I am".
MILLIE: All right... I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted to doing it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my mum is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?"
CLYDE: No, teacher, its the same dog!

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher!!

Thursday, November 03, 2016

A Couple of Golden Oldies!

A dog lover, whose bitch came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her dog separated.  But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Just worked for me," he replied.


I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing now.

He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics,
aluminium and steel, under a constrained environment".

I was impressed......

On further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water
.....under his wife's supervision