Friday, August 24, 2012

Early Morning Police Stop..

A Police STOP at 2 AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Asked if I could borrow a newspaper ...

I was visiting my son last night when I asked If I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, Dad,' he said. 'I don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my i-Pad.'

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.....

Friday, August 10, 2012

Smart Lawyer

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks..

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun.... "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

A Stunning Senior Moment

A self-important college freshman walking along the beach took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen resting on the steps why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually almost a primitive one," the student said loud enough for others to hear. "the young people of today grew up with television, jet-planes, space travel, man walking on the moon. We have nuclear energy, ships and cell phones, computers with the speed of light... and many more."

After a brief silence, the senior citizen responed as follows.

"You're right son. We didn't have those things when we were we invented them. Now, you arrogant little sh*t what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was amazing!