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Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.  This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing...

I joined a health club last year, spent about 250 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there!

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,  'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,......just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pub with a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Irish Petrol Station



A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry.. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'
 
Paddy replied, 'Not at all, Mick. Sure it's not rigged at all. My Wife won it twice last week".