Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Food for Thought!! The Wedding Night!

Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a friendly little father-son chat.
He said, "Mike, let me tell you something important. On my wedding night, in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother,and said, "Here - try these on." She did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them."
"I replied, "Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.  Ever since that night we never had any problems."

"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his first honeymoon night, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on." She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."

Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here you try on mine."

He did and said, "I can't get into your pants.

Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.

And they lived happily ever after.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman:    Hi! Wanda.         

2nd woman:   Hi! Sylvia.  How'd you die?         

1st woman:    I froze to death.         

2nd woman:   How horrible!

1st woman:    It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What  about you?

2nd woman:   I died of a  massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.   But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman:    So, what happened?

2nd woman:   I was so sure there was another woman  there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman:   Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.