Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Invention That is Better than Sex.

Occasionally while surfing the web, we come across a true genius - at least in their own eyes!

Today I was lucky enough to stumble across the web site of a certain
Mr Kadir-Buxton., On there I discovered his amazing cure for mental health problems, (he slaps you around the ears), Resetting Dislocated Joints, Increasing Your IQ, The K-B Fertility Treatment and A Plan for Making all Countries Near ZeroCO2 Emitters within 10 Years.

A sample of his wonderful ideas and one of my favourites of his theories is, The Invention That is Better than Sex. See what you think about him:-

In the 1980s I fended off an unprovoked attack. What I did was hit my attacker in the Jugular vein in the neck hard with the tip of my finger. (The Femoral artery in the leg can be used in the same way as an alternative.)

Whilst my attacker was incapacitated on the floor by this martial arts technique I gave the person a bruising slap round the buttocks. When the attacker came to it was said that the experience was even better than sex. I knew at once I was on to another invention. Whilst paralysed by this martial art technique the sensation of pain is replaced by super enhanced pleasure. As Governments around the world have been looking for a safe alternative to sex this appears to be it.

This invention does bode well for paramedics and first aiders who have patients in extreme pain for which they can at present do nothing. I have found Post Sex to be good for women who opt for natural child birth, it can make child birth fun for those that choose natural child birth.

Paraplegics who cannot have sex also find Post Sex to be a great invention. A simple arm lock from a consenting friend is enough to make life enjoyable. It is interesting that paraplegics are able to feel their whole bodies during Post Sex.

Post Sex will have many spin offs including brightening the day of HIV sufferers.

Post Sex can be used for recreational purposes but it is not an alternative to contraception as the sexual act is also far more fun.

The length of unconciousness depends on how hard the strike is and the ability to judge comes with practice.

Make your own decision on this genius - but do visit his web site - you will not be dissapointed.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Euro 2008

The Euro 2008 Football Championships start soon and to cheer up all the British supporters who will not have a country to support, I thought I would post a few (old) football jokes.

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: What is common between a 3-pin plug and the England football team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q: What's the difference between The Invisible Man and Scotland?
A: You've got more chance of seeing The Invisible Man at the World Cup Finals.

Q: What's the difference between a PG Tips monkey and a Scottish footballer?
A: A PG Tips monkey has been seen holding a cup.

'Heskey,' said the coach angrily after a disastrous match, 'your playing was lousy. You're a disgrace to the team.'
'Don't listen to him, Emile,' said a team-mate, trying to be encouraging. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about. He only repeats what everybody else says.'

The new Liverpool manager sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen and hopefully win Liverpool the title.
One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar.
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Manchester United with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
Hello mum, guess what?" he say's. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry!" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7."

David Beckham

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league."
Mark Viduka

"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day."
Neville Southall

"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well."
Alan Shearer

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush

"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
David Beckham

Finally, if you do watch Euro 2008, and want to have a little flutter to make it more interesting, visit the Euro 2008 Betting Specials page at The Betting Directory to find out which bookies are offering the bet deals.