Wednesday, August 20, 2008


With the Olympics in full swing in China, I thought it might be a good time to give you a few simple Chinese phrases for you to learn.

Thats not right SumTing wong
Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP Kum Hia Nao
Stupid man Dum Fuk
Small horse Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift Chin Tu Fat
Its very dark in here Wai So Dim
I thought you were on a diet Wai Yo Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled
for next week Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight Lai Ying Lo
Hes cleaning his a motor Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great Fa Kin Su Pa

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Computer Help Desk

You may well have read some of these before, but I thought they were worth repeating!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute...
Ihadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill Gates.

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is
Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

And last but not least...

Tech support: 'Okay
Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard,
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard,