Quotes from the Past Century

   

~ Jean Kerr...   

The only reason they say "   Women and children first"   is to test the strength of the lifeboats.  

  

~ Prince Philip...   

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.  

  

~ Emo Philips...   

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.  

  

~ Harrison Ford...   

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.  

   

~ Spike Milligan...   

The best cure for  sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.

  

~ Jean Rostand...   

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

  

~  Arnold Schwarzenegger...   

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars ,  but I was just as happy when I had 48 million.

  

~ WH Auden...   

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.  

  

~ Jonathan Katz...   

In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

  

~ Johnny Carson...   

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

  

~ Warren Tantum... (School photo album).   

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical.

  

~ Steve Martin...   

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.  

  

~ Jimmy Durante...   

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

  

~ George Roberts...   

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

  

~ Jonathan Winters...   

If God had intended us to fly ,  he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

  

~ Robert Benchley...  

I have kleptomania and when it gets bad, I take something for it.  

  

~ John Glenn...  

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind   :  every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.  

  

~ David Letterman...   

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.  

  

~ Howard Hughes...   

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire.  

   

~ Old Italian proverb...   

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.