Wednesday, February 10, 2016

A man walks into a bar…

… with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says “Pint please, and one for the road.”


… and sits next to a man with a dog at his feet.
“Does your dog bite?” he asked warily. “No, he doesn’t” A few minutes later the dog has a real go at his leg. “Hey, I thought you said that your dog didn’t bite.” “He doesn’t; that’s not my dog.”


… with a crocodile and asks if the barman serves lawyers. “Certainly,” says the barman. “Good,” says the man. A pint of bitter for me and a lawyer for the croc.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

The Farmer

An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?"
The boy replied, "No sir, ...he isn't; he went to town."

The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?"
The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad."
The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
The boy said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
The boy said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Website Marketing & Traffic Building

I started this blog nearly 11 years ago, as a place to "share my favourite jokes, quotes and anything else I find amusing, or, occasionally, interesting." Over the last year or so I have rather neglected it, instead concentrating on other interests, particularly photography (which you can see in my Photography blog and photography website.) 

I have recently started looking at promoting Traffic Exchanges, Clickbank, and building website traffic generally, and thought it would be a good idea to detail my thoughts, actions and, hopefully, results on here.

The first programme I signed up for is called Traffic Adbar, which claims to "deliver up to 1,022 visitors to your websites every 3 days for FREE". I had used this for a limited time a few years ago, but never put much effort into promoting or using it. 

While there is a basic free service, they also offer upgrades to Pro Lite, Pro and Platinum, and to start with I have chosen the Platinum option which comes at a price of £33 per month, but most users will probably opt for the free service to begin with. If you do sign up for one of the paid for programmes they can be cancelled at any time if you take the monthly payment option. 

A free member can list up to 5 urls which can be your own websites or links to affiliate programmes which you are promoting. As a Platinum member I can list up to 20 urls but am concentrating on 6 at the moment and so far this month have received over 3600 hits.

If you are new to traffic exchanges I would recommend that you join as a free member so that you can learn exactly what is involved. If you have your own website, I would certainly recommend that you place the ad bar on your own site, to help gain more points (see example below).


..
..

Wednesday, February 04, 2015

Favourite Football Quotes.

We all know that football is a "funny old game" but here are seven of my favourite quotes from the game.









Monday, January 19, 2015

INNER PEACE.

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished - I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, ...a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum,u blody luvum.!! 

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The Burglar

A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’

‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird. ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’

‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.