What beer is for.

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that I would have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $64 on make up.

I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed make up to look pretty for me.

I told her that that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back...

The Most Important Discoveries

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

And they ask why I like Retirement!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the
couch.


Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who
enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the
basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their
adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal .

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going
back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work,
but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

My favorite!!!
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Mon to Fri. Nothing, Sat & Sun I rest.