Safari photos in Kenya

A few more of my favourite photos from our Safari in Kenya earlier this year.

African Elephant

Leopard

Lilac breasted roller

Secretary bird

Cheetah

Lions

Rhinoceros

Crocodile

A Three Headed Giraffe

One of my favourite photos from our Safari - not technically brilliant, but I find it amusing!

Giraffes in the Masai Mara, Kenya

Photography

I have recently taken up photography as a hobby and joined our local camera club - Maidenhead Camera Club.

So I thought that as well as filling this blog up with jokes, I would use it to post one or two of my favourite photos.

So to start, here is one that I took on Safari in Kenya earlier this year, and which achieved 18 points (maximum is 20) in the first club competition that I entered.

Zebra on the Masai Mara, Kenya

The burglar

A man breaks into a house looking for money.

Inside he finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the man out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the homeowners wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her,kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
 
While he`s in there,the husband whispers over to his wife: listen this man is an escaped convict .Look at his clothes! He`s probably spent a long time in jail and has not seen a woman in years.
 
I saw how he kissed your neck.If he wants sex, don't resist and don't complain........do whatever he tells you.
 
Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you, This man is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry,He'll probably kill both of us. Be strong honey and remember I love you!!,
 
The wife responds: He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
 
He told me he`s gay,thinks you are very attractive, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
 
I told him it was in the bathroom.Be strong honey.......I love you too.

Computer Printer Repair

Caller :  Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service:   What is wrong with it?
Caller :  Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service:  Mouse? ... Printers don't have a mouse!!!
Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really? ... I will send a picture.

Priceless!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!!

He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and pressed! He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son.what happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!'


Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the Right thing, at the Right time:

PRICELESS