Lawyers

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? 
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 

____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? 
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ. 

___________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
WITNESS: Are you shitting me? 

_________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
WITNESS: None. 
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 

____________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
WITNESS: By death. 
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
WITNESS: Take a guess. 

____________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. 
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. 

______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.. 

_________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
WITNESS: Oral. 

_________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 

____________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.