A small assortment

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire Senate, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.



The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

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A dog lover, whose bitch came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her dog separated.  But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Just worked for me," he replied.

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I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing now.

He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel, under a constrained environment".

I was impressed......

On further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes with hot water .....under his wife's supervision!