Wednesday, June 13, 2018


A Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth. 

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