10 points to ponder as 2020 draws to a close .....

1.  The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2.  2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

3.  The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their “Children” are yelling at them to stay indoors!

4.  This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I went indoors & told my dog....  We had a good laugh.

5.  Every few days try your jeans on, just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe that all is well in the kingdom.

6.  Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

7.  I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot Barge pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

8.  I need to practise social-distancing from the refrigerator.

9.  I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Dustbins.....Might even Blow-dry my hair.

10. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go into a bank with a mask on and ask for money!

Jewish Comedians.

 Jewish Comedians. Some of us miss the old kind of (Yiddish) humour. Not a single swear word in their comic routines as shown below:

 

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable? "The man says, "I make a good living."

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I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

 

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!

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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife calls it the Dead Sea .

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My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.

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My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

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The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."

Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my arthritis!"

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Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor:

"See! What did I tell you?"

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A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

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Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears. " Doctor: "Don't answer!"

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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

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A man called his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call."

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A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had two choices for dinner - Take it or leave it.

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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"

The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."

The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part"

Seniors Problems

 A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.

"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully - -.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Thank God we can all still drive."

Keep smiling 

Stranded Irishman

 An Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, finally saw a speck on the horizon.

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde.

Shaking her tresses, she walked up to the stunned Irishman and said, "Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and Begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I’d forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Bushmills Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink.

“Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!”

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle.

She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, “Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there !!"

Rules of Composition

 With the advent of the mobile phone and tablet, everyone seems to be taking photographs, and for many people all they want is a record of a holiday or family event or a special moment in their lives which they are happy to share with their friends and perhaps to look at some years later when it will bring back a fond memory of times past.

Some of us however want to take their photography one step further and turn it into a hobby which we can develop and improve. So we dispense with our point and shoot camera and stop using our phones and invest in a reasonably decent camera. Personally, although I had been taking pictures for almost 50 years, I only took it up as a serious hobby in 2010 when I purchased a Panasonic DMC-FZ38 prior to visiting Kenya on my first Safari.

To begin with, I looked at the 128 page manual, hardly understood a word, so set the camera to auto and went off on safari. I took some great photos but it was only after I joined a local camera club and started to learn about the art of composition that I began to actually look through the lens and think about what I was doing, instead of simply pointing the camera at an object and pressing the shutter.

Like me, I suspect that many new photographers get confused, or even totally put off, by such things as focal length, ISO, aperture, shutter speed, focusing, exposure, etc., etc., and while I believe that it is very useful to understand the more technical elements, and I shall be covering some of those in later articles, I do believe that the most important element for a new photographer to get to grips with, is Composition. All digital camera manufacturers spend a large amount of time and money on software to help the user get the correct camera settings to capture that shot and, as I did initially, if you set your camera on auto, the vast majority of time you will get technically good results. However the one thing that no camera is able to do, no matter how much money you have spent buying it, is compose a photo that is attractive to the eye.

So what do I mean by Composition? Putting it into its very basic form, composition can be said to be the way to create a photo that is aesthetically pleasing to the viewer. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Google “composition in photography” and you come up with such results as:- 20 Composition Techniques That Will Improve Your Photos: 10 Top Photography Composition Rules: 9 Top Photography Composition Rules You Need To Know: 18 Composition Rules For Photos That Shine: 5 Elements of Composition in Photography: 5 Easy Composition Guidelines: The 10 rules of photo composition (and why they work): 12 Rules for Effective Composition in Photography: etc., etc.!

While you will undoubtedly learn by reading all of those articles, (and I would suggest that you do in time), I will concentrate on a few simple rules that I follow. Before I go further, while some of these are called rules, remember rules are there to be broken. What I am trying to do is to encourage you to think about what you are trying to achieve when looking through the viewfinder. I will start then with something that you have probably already come across:-

The Rule of Thirds

Basically, if you imagine a photo divided into thirds, both horizontally and vertically, the main subject of the image should be where a vertical line cross a horizontal one, as in this photo of a leopard in the Serengetti. Also the branch runs along the bottom third of the frame. This is much more pleasing than if the leopard was bang in the centre of the image. 

Leopard In Serengeti

Many modern cameras allow you to place a grid in the viewfinder which can be used to place the object where two lines intersect. While we are talking about the Rule of Thirds, it is generally best to place the horizon on one of the thirds, rather than in the centre of the frame, dependant on whether the main points of interest are in the sky or on the ground. 

Leading Lines

These lead the viewers eyes into the picture either to the main subject or on a journey through the whole of the picture. In the image below of the Old Town in Stavanger, the viewer is taken into the picture by the lines of the timber boards of the building towards the centre while the curves of the pavement and road, coupled with the pedestrians walking down the road, help the viewer complete their journey.

Old Town Stavanger

Symmetry

To demonstrate that the rules are no more than guidelines, the next one contradicts the Rule of Thirds. If your image is symmetrical, then it could benefit from being centred either on the horizontal, or vertical centre line. This works particularly well for reflections, as is the case below, where the mute swan and its reflection are centred along the horizontal centre line, or for architecture where in the shot from the Dome of St Peter’s, the image is centred on the vertical line.

Mute Swan

View From Dome Of St Peters

Rule of Space

This rule is talking about giving the subject in the photo, space to move into the frame. This particularly applies to animals and vehicles. The first photo below, of a Secretary Bird, was taken on my first safari before I had begun to learn anything about photography and as you can see, it looks a little odd, with the bird looking out of the frame, and all the space behind it. The second image was taken three years later when I was aware of the need to give the subject some space to move into.

Secretary Bird

Secretary Bird

I hope you will agree that the second one looks more natural and is better on the eye.

Rule of Odds

Generally speaking, it is thought that photos with an odd number of subjects is more visually appealing and natural looking than those with an even number, where the viewers eyes may flick around the image, unsure of where to settle. The main reason that I have included this is that it gives me an excuse to include my award winning image of a three-headed giraffe. Other than this, which was a purely lucky shot, I do tend to use the rule of odds if taking a close up of flowers or the like.

Three Headed Giraffe

Patterns

I will close on patterns, which can be found everywhere, both in nature and architecture and the image below, which shows reflections in the Birmingham Symphony Hall, combines patterns with one of my personal favourite composition techniques, the use of reflections.

Birmingham Symphony Hall Reflections

I hope that I have given you a brief insight into composition and that when you next look through your viewfinder you will at least stop and think for a few seconds at what you are looking at and how the shot may be improved. But just remember, these rules, and all the others you will come across, are simply guide lines to help you go in the right direction, they are not railway tracks that you have to stick to rigidly. Finally I will end with the words of Pablo Picasso - “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” 

Tony Murtagh

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As usual, my work is available to purchase as original  Wall Art, in a variety of formats from stretched canvas or framed prints, metal or acrylic prints,or simply as standard prints for you to mount in your favourite picture frame. They are also available as greeting cards or printed onto iPhone or Galaxy phone cases, throw pillows, duvet covers or tote bags. Simply click on the  image and you will be taken to my gallery where you will find full details.

Don't make old people mad!

 An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.

 He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"

Dr Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from the box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"

Dr Geezer: "Congratulations!
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Dr Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"

Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"

Dr Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr Young: "But this is only $10!"

Dr Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

*Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer” . 

*Remember:* Don't make old people mad.  We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!

P.S. Written in large print for old Geezers

Stroke has a new indicator!

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters..... 

S. T. R.    

STROKE IDENTIFICATION: 

During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) ...she said  she had just tripped over a brick  because of her new shoes. 

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. 

Jane's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 PM Jane passed away) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. 

It only takes a minute to read this. 

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. 

RECOGNIZING A STROKE 

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR. Read and learn! 

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. 

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:   

S *    Ask the individual to SMILE.    

T *    Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A    SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)

(e.g. Chicken Soup)   

R *    Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. 

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number    immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. 

New Sign of a Stroke   -------- 

Stick out Your Tongue! 

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is  'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. 

A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this forwards it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I have done my part. Will you?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING DAD !!!!!!!!!!!

 Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

 "Like sitting around drinking wine isn't a good thing?" I asked.

Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She says she is "only thinking of me," and suggested, I go down to the Senior Centre and hang around with some of the lads there.

So, I did and when I got home, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent her an e-mail saying that I had joined the Senior Parachute Club.

She replied, “Are you nuts? You're 73 years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I told her that I even had a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. Immediately, she telephoned me and yelled,

"Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses? This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, am I in trouble," I said, "I signed up for five jumps a week!"

The line went dead.

Life as a Senior isn't getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.....

Wonderful Church Bulletins

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The sermon this morning:
“Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: ‘
“Searching for Jesus.”

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again”, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side.

This man owned and drove the same car for 82 years.

Can you imagine even having the same car for 82 years?

Mr. Allen Swift ( Springfield , Massachusetts ) received this 1928 Rolls-Royce Piccadilly-P1 Roadster from his father, brand new - as a graduation gift in 1928.

He drove it up until his death in 2010....At the age of 102.

He was the oldest living owner of a car that was purchased new.

Just thought you'd like to see it!                                                                                             

Rolls Royce Phantom 1 - 1928

It was donated to a Springfield museum after his death.

It has 1,070,000 miles on it, still runs like a Swiss watch, dead silent at any speed and is in perfect cosmetic condition.

82 years - That's approximately 13,048 miles per year (1087 per month).

1,070,000 that's miles not kilometres.

That's British engineering of a bygone era.
I don't think they even make them like this anymore..

DILLBERRY SIGHTINGS AND DILL DETECTIONS:

 You can’t make this stuff up! 

We went through to the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the attendant a $5 note.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'

The attendant then gave me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at McDonald's.

 DILLBERRY: 

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a half a horsepower.

He shook his head and said,  'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'Nooo, it's not.  Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used that repairman since.  This happened in Ipswich, Queensland.

 DILLBERRY:

I live in a semi-rural area.

We recently had a new neighbour call the local council office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road. 

The reason:  'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing  anymore.' 

Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.

 DILLBERRY:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,  'Has  anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?' 

To  which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

This  happened in Elizabeth S.A.

DILLBERRY: 

The  pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of  mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it lets blind people know when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'

She  is a government employee in Adelaide P.O.

DILL: 

When  my husband and I arrived at the garage to pick up our car after a  service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. 

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,' I announced to the mechanic, 'it’s open!'

His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'


STAY ALERT!    They walk among us... and breed!

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS

 Question 1: 

If you knew a woman who was pregnant,

Who had 8 kids already,

Three who were deaf,

Two who were blind,

One mentally retarded,

And she had syphilis,

Would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one

 QUESTION TWO

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.

Here are the facts about the three candidates.

 

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians,

and consults with astrologists,

He's had two mistresses,

He also chain smokes

And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

 

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice,

Sleeps until noon,

Used opium in college,

And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

 

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero.

He's a vegetarian,

Doesn't smoke,

Drinks an occasional beer,

And never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first .. No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.
>

> 

> 

>
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

 

 

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven. 

Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.
Remember: 

Amateurs ... Built the ark.
Professionals .. Built the Titanic

Moon Bitcoin

 What is Moon Bitcoin?

Moon Bitcoin is a bitcoin faucet - a site that dispenses a small amount of Bitcoin to users who visit their site. They make their money from the advertising on their site, though you are under no obligation to click on any of their ads. 

Whereas most faucets only allow you to claim infrequently - some only once a day, Moon Bitcoin allows you to claim every 5 minutes! 

However the faucet fills up over time, - quite quickly initially but gradually slows down until you make a claim.  You may prefer to claim smaller amounts every five minutes, or visit once a day and claim the larger amount that will have built up while you were away!

Furthermore you can rocket your claim amounts by taking advantage of various bonus schemes. 

Daily Loyalty Bonus

You will earn a % bonus which builds up for every consecutive day that you make at least one faucet claim. This bonus increases by 1% per day, up to a maximum of 100% (which means your faucet payouts are doubled!!!)

So for example, if you made a claim yesterday and then make another claim today you will get a bonus of 1% on top of your usual claim amount. If you then claim again tomorrow, your bonus will increase to 2%, then 3% the day after and so on up to 100%. 

However if you miss a day then your bonus will reset back to 0% and you must build it up again.

So simply make a faucet claim at least once every day and your earnings will ROCKET!!

Moon Bitcoin uses Coin Pot for instant payment of your earnings. If you do not already have a Coin Pot account then you must register first.

Referral Bonus

Refer your friends, enemies and everyone else to Moon Bitcoin and receive a massive 50% lifetime commission on all their faucet claims! All commission payments are paid instantly to your CoinPot account.

Additionally, for each active referral that you have, you will get a bonus 1% (up to a maximum of 100%) added on to every claim that you make from the faucet. (A referral is considered to be "active" if they have made at least 1 faucet claim in the previous 72 hours)

Mystery Bonus

Finally there is a Mystery Bonus scheme, but if I told you what that was, it would no longer be a mystery!

Bonus Bitcoin

What is Bonus Bitcoin?

Bonus Bitcoin is a completely FREE bitcoin faucet paying out up to 5,000 satoshi every 15 minutes. Also, at the end of each day (around midnight UTC) you will receive an automatic 5% bonus added to your current account balance - provided you made at least one faucet claim during the previous day.

As of 6th July 2017 all payments from Bonus Bitcoin are made instantly and directly into your CoinPot account. They also run a very generous affiliate/referral program: Ask your friends and colleagues to sign up using your referral link and receive 50% commission from every claim that they make from the faucet. (Note: No referral commission is paid on the daily bonus)

How much can I earn?

Faucet claims

They aim to be one of the highest paying bitcoin faucets around! So to ensure that their claim amounts are kept as high as possible, they automatically adjust the rate based on a number of factors including the BTC v USD exchange rate and their advertising income. In theory you can claim up to 5,000 satoshi every 15 minutes, theough the curent average is around 7 satoshi. Once you register and sign in you will be able to see what the current average rate is per claim.

Referral commission

You also have unlimited potential to increase your earnings by using their referral scheme which pays 50% lifetime commission.

Bonuses, promotions and competitions

As the name suggests, they also run a variety of ways to boost your earnings via their Bonus schemes - along with frequent special promotions and competitions. 

The current bonus scheme pays a daily 5% bonus of the total of all faucet claims and referral commission earned over the previous 72 hours (3 days) - providing you make at least one faucet claim during the previous day. 
(Please note: We will be changing our bonus schemes from time to time, to keep things interesting and introduce new, exciting ways to boost your faucet income).

Paraprosdokians

Do you know what Paraprosdokians are? No? Well, they are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected; Winston Churchill loved them:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to Tell you why it isn't.

7. To steal ideas from someone is Plagiarism. To steal from many is called Research.

8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify who: I put Doctor

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the Street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look Sexy.

11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a Successful man is usually another woman.

12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.

15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than Standing in your garage makes you a car.

17. I 'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.