TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS!

#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.

#2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit. 

#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

#4 - Your people skills are just fine It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."

#6 - "On time" is when you get there.

#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.

#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.

#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.

#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.

#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
 
And one more:
         "One for the road" means using the bathroom before you leave the house.

Who pays the Checker?

Here is a relevant question which the US Congress will have to debate:

Who pays the Checker?

There are important questions to be answered about recent LGBT bathroom legislation and whether transgender people will be permitted to use a restroom of the gender that they "identify" with or be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.

If the latter, would public restrooms be required to have a Genital Inspection Station at the entrance to all public restrooms?

Who will have to pay these Pecker Checkers, the people using the restroom, or the entity that owns the restroom?

And how much money will a Pecker Checker be paid to check peckers?

Or, do we pay a Pecker Checker by the number of peckers checked?

How many peckers can a Pecker Checker check if a Pecker Checker could check peckers?

What has this country come to when the U.S. Department of Labor has to create a new job description of Politically Correct Restroom Service Inspectors?

Want to guess their motto? "If You gotta pee - We gotta see!

Tour of a whisky distillery.

 It’s probably heretical, but must be seen in the public interest.

An Irish Fisherman

 The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub. There standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.  A passer-by stopped and asked him:  "What are you doing?”

“Fishing” replied the old man.

Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says:

 “Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me.”

In the warm ambiance of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a superior smart ass, cannot resist asking:
"So how many have you caught today?"

“You're the 8th", replied the old man.