Golfing Accident

An avid golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

“I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!” “Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?”

“The good news is...I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm and so I'll need your permission before I can go ahead with the transplant.”

“Go for it doc," says the man, "as long as I can play golf again.”

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

“Just great," says the golfer. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch, and my putting has really improved.”

"That's wonderful," said the surgeon. “Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolours.”

“That's unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a success. Are you having any side effects?”

"Well, just two", said the golfer, “I have trouble parallel parking and every time I get an erection I get a headache.”

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?'

Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'

Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.'

Stevie says, 'I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.      Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.'

Tiger says, 'You play GOLF?'

Stevie says, 'Yes, I've been playing for years'.

Tiger says, 'But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?'

Stevie Wonder replies, 'Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound
of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or
farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.'

'But, how do you putt?' asks Tiger

'Well', says Stevie, 'I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I    just play the ball towards his voice.'

Tiger asks, 'What's your handicap?'

Stevie says, 'Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer.'

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, 'We've got to play a round sometime.'

Stevie replies, 'Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a
hole. That a problem?'

Woods thinks about it and says, ' I can afford that, OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would
you like to play?'

Stevie replies, 'Just pick a night.'