A very poor joke !!

A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. 

A spokesman for the channel said, “A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.”

The Blonde and the Preacher

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." 

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke; "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared

The New Zoo Keeper

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.

As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp House, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.

He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything..

He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees..
As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage...
Because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees"

Bill Clinton's urinal

Before the  2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a  get acquainted  tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced  tea, he asked President  Bill Clinton if he could use his personal  bathroom.

When he entered Clinton 's private toilet, he  was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold  urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the  urinal.

'Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I could have a gold  urinal, too. But I wouldn't do something so  self-indulgent! '

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her  tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been  at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the  President had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and  Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill:


'I found out who pissed in your saxophone'

Magic Moments

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.
Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own  thoughts.....


Claude was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin,  I'd have been gentler.'





Maude was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off '

Media approach to the news !

A bloke on a Triumph Bonneville is riding  past Bristol Zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The man jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with his motorcycle helmet. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the man and returns her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the man says, 'That was the most unselfish and bravest thing I've ever seen a man do in my whole life.' The man replies, 'Well, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little girl in danger and simply acted on instinct, it’s what anyone would do' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist for The Daily Mail you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page...  So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' The man replies, ‘I was in the army for 30 years and was proud to serve my country, and now I’m retired I do charitable work with disabled children, and as it happens I vote Conservative’. The journalist leaves. The following morning the man buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: “RACIST ARMY THUG ATTACKS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”