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Monday, September 26, 2005

How to be Be Politicaly Correct!

A guide to help you speak about the opposite sex in a POLITICALLY CORRECT way...

How to speak about women and be politically correct.

She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She is not DUMB; she is a DETAOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION

She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPARED

She does not GET DRUNK; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALY ENHANCED

She does not NAG; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE

She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED

She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER


How to speak about men and be politically correct.

He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not BALDING; he is in FOLICAL REGRESSION

He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER, he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST

He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT

He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT

He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION

He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED

He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA

He does not HOG THE BLANKETS; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE

He doesn't have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS

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