ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle..
BEAUTY PARLOUR
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN
A grape with sunburn.
SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON
A person with the meat scraped off.
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.
And MY Personal Favourite!!
WRINKLES
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
Wednesday, May 03, 2017
Marriages are Made in Heaven
On
their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple
were
involved
in a fatal car accident.
Being
good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside
the
Pearly
Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While
waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married
in
Heaven?
When
St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St Peter said "I
don't
know.
This
is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he
leaves
them
sitting at the Gate.
After
three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled.
"Yes"
he informs the couple "you can get married in Heaven".
"Great!"
said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things
don't
work
out?
Could
we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
"You
must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with anger,
slamming
his
clipboard on the ground.
"What's
wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
"OH,
COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a
priest
up
here.....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a
lawyer?"
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