Lessons for Management

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a £100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. '

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, 'The bastard used coins!'

Management Lesson:

Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

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Non-political Signs.

Non-political Signs.

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Wonderful English from Around the World ....

Cocktail Lounge, Norway: 
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's Office, Rome: 
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. 

Dry Cleaners, Bangkok: 
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. 

A Nairobi Restaurant: 
CUSTOMERS, WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER!

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi: 
TAKE NOTICE:  WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. 

On a poster at Kencom: 
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ?  IF SO, WE CAN HELP?

In a City restaurant: 
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. 

In a Cemetery: 
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN
GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: 
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. 

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant: 
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. 

In a Tokyo Bar: 
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. 

Hotel, Yugoslavia: 
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE
CHAMBERMAID. 

Hotel, Japan: 
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. 

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery: 
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY. 

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: 
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. 

Hotel, Zurich: 
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS
PURPOSE. 

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: 
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? 

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: 
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.    

A Laundry in Rome: 
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. 

Paraprosdokians

A Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
 
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
 
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
 
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
 
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
 
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
 
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
 
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
 
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
 
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
 
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 
 
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
 
Money is the root of all wealth. 

CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY

Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build crib, Only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's pond often catch crabs.

CONFUCIUS SAY: A Lion will not cheat on wife, but a Tiger Wood.

Favourite Sex Positions

Two Navy Stokers were out on the Quarterdeck talking about their favourite sex positions.

 One said, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.”

“I don't think I have ever heard of that one, said the other Stoker. “What is it?”

“Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind,

then you reach around and cup her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear,

“Boy, these feel just like your sister's.”



“Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.”