Beauty of Birmingham

 Even though Birmingham is known as being at the heart of the Industrial Revolution and the City of 1000 Trades, many people who have never visited there are surprised at how green the city is, even close to the City Centre.

The city has more miles of canal than Venice, more trees than Paris and more parkland than any other European City. All of the images below were taken within a couple of miles of the City Centre.

Bluebells at Winterboune Botanical Garden

Winterbourne is one of the best surviving examples of an Edwardian Arts and Crafts suburban villa garden in Birmingham. The garden was lovingly created by the homeowners, Margaret and John Nettlefold, of Guest Keen and Nettlefold, using the books of Gertrude Jekyll as guides and inspiration. It is located in Edgbaston, just about 2 miles from the City Centre

Edgbaston Pool

Edgbaston Pool, located just two miles from Birmingham City Centre, is a Site of Special Scientific Interest in Edgbaston. Also known as Edgbaston Park, the site is adjacent to Winterbourne Botanic Garden and Edgbaston Golf Course and close to the University of Birmingham. Access is via Winterbourne Botanic Garden.

Not far from Edgbaston Pool, we have Edgbaston Reservoir.

Edgbaston Reservoir

Edgbaston Reservoir, on a crisp January morning. Originally a small pool, it was extensively enlarged by Thomas Telford between 1824-1829 to supply water to the Birmingham and Wolverhampton Levels of the Birmingham Canal Navigations canal system via Icknield Port Loop at the foot of the dam. It was formed by damming a small stream. The dam is a 330 metre long earth embankment with a height of 10 metres near the centre.

Birmingham City Skyline

Birmingham City Centre skyline as seen behind the dam of Edgbaston Reservoir. Showing the Post Office Tower to the left, and the new Birmingham Library in the centre.

City View

The view from the roof of the Birmingham City Library (the orange building in the centre of the photo above) looking towards Edgbaston, demonstrating just how green Birmingham is. The building to the left is the National Sea Life Centre, while on the right is Birmingham's National Indoor Arena (NIA).

You may see more of my images from Birmingham by visiting my Birmingham Gallery.

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As usual, my work is available to purchase as original  Wall Art, in a variety of formats from stretched canvas or framed prints, metal or acrylic prints,or simply as standard prints for you to mount in your favourite picture frame. They are also available as greeting cards or printed onto iPhone or Galaxy phone cases, throw pillows, duvet covers or tote bags. Simply click on the  image and you will be taken to my gallery where you will find full details.

Best Investment Advice

 

UKRAINE

 I am sure that the majority of us feel the same about Trump and his actions. If you are a Trump supporter, please do not visit this blog - you will not be welcome!

Back Again!!

 I started this blog 22 years ago and last wrote something nearly 2 years ago. For some reason I thought that I might start writing again but not sure how long I will keep it up! At the ripe old age of 78 it probably won't be for very long!

I will start with a joke I recently heard.

Two doctors were walking along the road away from the hospital when they saw a man in front of them who was having difficulty walking. He was limping and had an almost crab like gait. Poor fellow, said the first doctor, he must have a slipped disc. No, said his colleague it is surely an arthritic hip.

Anyway they soon catch up with him, said that were sorry for his preidcament but asked if he would mind saying which one of them was right, telling him that one though he was suffering from a slipped disc while the other one thought it was an arhritic hip. Well the man replied_ 

"you are a doctor and you though it was a slipped disc, and you were wrong, and you sir are a doctor and you tthought it was an arthritic hip and you were wrong. As it happens, I also am a doctor, and I though it was a fart, and I was wrong!"

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS

Question 1: 

If you knew a woman who was pregnant,

Who had 8 kids already,

Three who were deaf,

Two who were blind,

One mentally retarded,

And she had syphilis,

Would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one

 QUESTION 2 :

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.

Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A:

Associates with crooked politicians,

and consults with astrologists,

He's had two mistresses,

He also chain smokes

And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B:

He was kicked out of office twice,

Sleeps until noon,

Used opium in college,

And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C:

He is a decorated war hero.

He's a vegetarian,

Doesn't smoke,

Drinks an occasional beer,

And never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first .. No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.

>

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Back Again

It's been a while since I last posted here, but with the rise in wokeism countered by the new Trump presidensy in the US, I thought I would try and start posting regularly again.

Insults with Class

 These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class!

1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.

2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas

7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain

8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde

9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright

11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb

12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating

14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker

16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain

17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder

21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.

22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill

A Few Smiles

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed We’re having a meeting

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo."

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Now, I'm wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent it to myself.

You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.

Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

"On time" is, when you get there.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound

It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.

Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.

Clarkson's Farm

 A week last Monday (19th), I visited Birmingham Symphony Hall to see Kaleb, from Clarkson's Farm, give a very interesting and entertaining talk.

He proved to be very entrepreneurial in his youth, and has built up a very successful Farm Contract business. 

You can still see the first two series of Clarkson's Farm on Amazon and the third is being released soon. 

 Its some time since I last posted on here and I think its about time I started again, so hopefully I will now be posting more regularly - but who knows!

I like to start off with this great quote from the fantastic George Best:-

Truer Words Were Never Spoken

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

 

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

 

Politicians are the same all over: they promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician

 

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.

Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone.

 

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

John Quinton, American actor/writer

 

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

Oscar Ameringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."

 

I offered my opponents a deal: "if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them".

Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952.

 

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

Texas Guinan, 19th century American businessman

 

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

Charles de Gaulle, French general & president

 

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

Doug Larson, English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games

 

What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.

What happens if all of them drown? That is solution !!

 

I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two are lawyers and three or more are the government.

John Adams (1735 - 1826)

 

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Government. But then I repeat myself.

Mark Twain (1835- 1910)

 

I don't make jokes. I just watch the Government and report the facts!

Will Rogers (1879- 1935)

 

I contend that for a nation to try and tax itself into prosperity, is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

 

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul, can always depend on the support of Paul !

Will Rogers (1879- 1935)

 

The problem we face today is that the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living.

George Bernard Shaw (1856- 1950)

 

I don't like political jokes, but a lot of them get elected!

THE GIGGLE AUSTRALIA

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax." 

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish." 

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price." 

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow." 

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned." 

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared." 

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers." 

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun." 

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair." 

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller." 

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service." 

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners." 

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning." 

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes." 

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."  😂🤣

Quotes to Remember

 If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas ..

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .."

-- Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Quotes from the Past Century

   

~ Jean Kerr...   

The only reason they say "   Women and children first"   is to test the strength of the lifeboats.  

  

~ Prince Philip...   

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.  

  

~ Emo Philips...   

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.  

  

~ Harrison Ford...   

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.  

   

~ Spike Milligan...   

The best cure for  sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.

  

~ Jean Rostand...   

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

  

~  Arnold Schwarzenegger...   

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars ,  but I was just as happy when I had 48 million.

  

~ WH Auden...   

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.  

  

~ Jonathan Katz...   

In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

  

~ Johnny Carson...   

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

  

~ Warren Tantum... (School photo album).   

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical.

  

~ Steve Martin...   

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.  

  

~ Jimmy Durante...   

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

  

~ George Roberts...   

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

  

~ Jonathan Winters...   

If God had intended us to fly ,  he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

  

~ Robert Benchley...  

I have kleptomania and when it gets bad, I take something for it.  

  

~ John Glenn...  

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind   :  every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.  

  

~ David Letterman...   

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.  

  

~ Howard Hughes...   

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire.  

   

~ Old Italian proverb...   

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.