Wednesday, September 07, 2016

Extracts from Letters

These are extracts from actual letters sent to various local councils and housing associations throughout the UK.

  • I want some repairs to my cooker as it has backfired and burned my knob off.
  • I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
  • ... and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence,
  • I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
  • My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
  • I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
  • Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
  • I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
  • ...50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
  • I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
  • The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children till it is cleared.

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